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Ok sorry I’ve been on the missing list again really not been feeling so great my hay fever has been bugging me so I’ve just been taking it easy and trying to look for a job real hard here is the June calendar sorry I forgot!

OK there is no way to sugar coat this & sorry to spoil everyone’s day so don’t read on if your happy………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 I’ve had some very bad news that’s breaks my heart this morning my brother in law was found dead in L.A, I don’t know the details because my brother was in shock when he rang Eric was only 35 I think , I didn’t really know him very well I spoke to him a few time he seemed a laugh but I know my brother got on with him & my sister in law loved him very much he was her baby brother so I can only imagine the pain she must be going through and I know he was popular he had a girlfriend and friends and lots of family who are all going to be hurting so my heart is breaking for them right now for his mum & dad & all those who loved him.

All I can say is he is at peace now and my prays go out to those who care.

 

Seeya hugya *G*

 

I may be on the missing list a while longer you will understand

So its Tuesdays not my favourite workday prefer Friday as that’s the day before the weekend the day when all those opportunity’s are in front of you!

 

 

 

*          Still looking for a new job I believe that something amazing is just around the corner

*          I’m feeling strong and am not going to give up my Grungedandy blog

*          I’m also feelin very loved and supported so thanks I never realised that I would find so many friends on the web really wish I had this when I was younger but better late than never (gonna spread the love around a little)

*          The summer has been a little shy but the last 2 days it’s been here apparently is going away again, which is ok with me so long as she comes back for a bit I’m not in to very long sweltering hot summers but a little sun every now & then is good for the soul & the garden!

*          And I’m making stuff still got a lot of bits I want to do which makes me happy

 

Anyhoo Tuesdays are good because of this the Tuesday group so that’s me I’m just happy to be here still posting not giving in, so I’m all with the positive not playing at all with the negative don’t want to, can’t make me! LoL

 Hope youall ok will come visit later Seeya Hugya *G*

So finally I’ve finished the Paris books I’ve done 3, 2 to send away & one to keep I want to put more pictures in when I get the photos from the other 2 girls and I expect the other girls may want to do the same so I used D- rings so the can just hole punch and add more pages

 

Here are a couple of boy cards I’ve done over the last few weeks the cartoon one was them basically arguing who was going to say happy birthday!  They all did in the inside robot one works well to get rid of scraps I’m going to do some more & maybe do some more girly ones too

 

This is what my desk looks like when I’m working also has a cat but I had to keep evicting her

Ok hope your having a nice weekend we are waiting for summer to appear but I think its shy LOL Seeya hugya *G*

So it’s Tuesday and I’ve miss you guys for a few weeks and I thought I might miss it again (I think I only just made it today so I will probably come comment tomorrow now) but then I thought NO I’ve come to a decision every cloud has a silver lining

 

Clouds

 

1.                  The big one my stalker ex has found me yep the one reason I don’t really post my name or pictures of myself or give away too much  information yes you guest it my worst nightmare came true!

2.                  Work is still driving me nuts and I have to pretend to be someone I’m not just to get through the day!

3.                  Various people I care about are having “troubles” marital & or monetary  and there is nothing I can do to help which is driving me insane I want to wave a magical wand and fix it

4.                  I don’t have enough time to do all the things I want to do, which might seem like a lame cloud but I’m finding it very frustrating & tiring as I keep staying up way past my bed time.

 

Silver lining

(I’m writing this with the full knowledge that GIT might be reading this)

                 

1.   So it is my worst nightmare come true and I considered running away and closing or making my blog private but then I wouldn’t be able to connect to all the new people, people who just like me may have problems and then I realised I am no longer that teenager (I was 17 when he met me) I’m not a little girl ( I thought I was a woman but lets face it we all thought we were grown up at 14/15 but you get to 30 & you realise your still not really grown up! LOL) I am no longer an under confident child who can be manipulated and controlled. I am no longer in the grips of my bulimia and think at a healthy curvy (all in the right places I might add) British size 14 is grossly over weight and should be punished by starving, vomiting & excessive exercise to the point were my joint are now 20 years older than my actual age, I no longer think that being a redhead is “not normal” having black hair would suit me so much better and that pale skin is not attractive and that it is worth burning yourself on sun beds & risking skin cancer in an attempt to get a tan which you don’t have enough melanin in your body to have anyway (I’m kinda a translucent blue)  I no longer think I am not worthy or that no man could ever fancy me, I no longer believe that I don’t deserve to be loved in every sense of the word! I no longer believe that my opinions don’t matter and that I am stupid (although sometimes I can be a bit dumb I’m not stupid! I actually have quiet a high IQ not gonna boast how high, it’s above average but it surprise the hell outa me! Get your head around that one) I no longer believe that being friendly, chatty & caring are wrong and that changing my whole personality for someone is ever going to work.

I no longer believe he ever really loved me, how could he have when he spent the 3 years we were together trying to change absolutely everything about me even down to my skin colour (I often wondered if I was black would he have asked me to bleach it?) So why in the world did he ever ask me out in the first place? So the silver lining is that I now know deep down I am not the same person I was back then and that he has no real power over me anymore!

 

1. I’m getting back out there and looking I already know what I don’t want & that is half the battle so this is he silver lining knowing what I don’t want from a job.

 

1. It’s hard to sit by when those you love are in trouble but you can lend a hand by being the ear or shoulder to cry on sometimes this is the only thing you can do but the silver lining is do that which you can & leave the rest up to fate or win the lottery LoL which I’m trying to do

 

 

1. Not having enough time means my life is full And I’m living it too the fullest the silver lining is that my imagination is providing more than enough creative input that my hands don’t have enough time to make it all!

 

So for now this blog remains open and out there nothing I have said is at all liable as I’ve never used GIT’s real name I will add there were good times but the bad out weight them and the mental damage done in 3 years took a good 10 years to undo & I often have to remind myself of the above as at 36 I was transported back over 15 years to that 20 year old that he left after he got her pregnant for another younger girl that he also got pregnant after he told her that she was too fat & not sexy. He made the other girl have an abortion & well me I had a miscarriage (I didn’t actually know for sure I was pregnant so it was a blessing in disguise)  

 

 Ok run out of time again Seeya hugya *G*

Ok don’t panic, I’m feeling really sick my stalker ex has resurfaced! Despite not using my surname he has found me on Facebook I have denied & blocked him but I was using my grungedandy logo as my photo profile so he might make the connection I got too confident! I feel sick & I ‘m worried that I’m going to have to go into hiding change my user name, website and everything and I was just starting to get comfortable ok I won’t panic just yet he might get the hint will try and post later but at the moment I’ve been transported back over 15 years in time and I’m shaking and really want to cry, why can’t he just fuck off & leave me alone. Please pray or what ever for me this is worse than work and that is saying something Seeya hugya *G*

Hi so just a quick post I’ve been driving one of the local shops http://www.sublimeshop.co.uk/  insane with these photo cubes I bought some for presents & decided that I wanted a set for myself to make words out of so they tried to order some more and they ordered them in January and it had taken until now end of May for them to finally get them in I have walked by every day and popped my head in & had them shake they’re heads I’ve got to know them quite well bought bits & bobs had chats & generally made a nuisance of myself finally they are here & I spent last weekend filling them

 

Each different word has a different colour each cube has a different sheet of paper all from the Basic grey Sublime collection one of my very first sets of papers I bought and fell in love with & still one of my favs, yes I’ve used those swirls again I’m still in love with them and a bit of bling. They were done purely for me & just for fun.

 

Anyhoo gonna try & get those Paris books done Sunday looks like I’m gonna be out most of Sat Seeya hugya *G*

Yeh guys I am still here just missing in art got a lot on at the moment that I really want to finish and I promise to post proper photos I am truly jealous right now of all those people who get to stay at home or have spare time I really could do with that spare time but I also need money as well so I have to do the work thing (still looking for a job as this one is still killing me slowly but I promised not to moan! So I’m not going to tell you that I’m screaming inside! Opps that one slipped out LoL) done some more cards will post when I get some decent light as people are still having birthdays so they still need cards LoL and I’m working on a Paris book for the 3 parties that went and I’m almost finished so I will try & post at the weekend. Also to my Fellow Tuesday posters sorry will hopefully post, visit  & leave comments soon just need to catch up oh and find a new job before the screaming breaks loose into the outside world because then they might put me in the straight jacket & I will have to type with my nose if they let me near a computer!

So I will leave you with a photo of flowers I’ve taken Seeya Hugya *G*

 

Paris part 2

So here’s the second day we got up fairly late around 8 simply because we stayed up late (3 out of 4 were working on USA time) so after showers in our tiny apartment & lots of coffee and some breakfast we headed out again off to the Notre Dame which was free my favourite price (yep I’m a cheap skate but I’d rather put something at my discretion in the charity box or buy a post card than pay through the nose and resent it!) 

So no flash photography in here although a lot of people didn’t respect this I did! I love churches I don’t necessarily agree with religion all the time but I do think they built beautiful churches and the acoustics were astounding how do I know yeh I tested them I really couldn’t resist it LOL but I had a really good excuse & most people didn’t realise it was me they thought it was the choir, although I think the choir realised it wasn’t them! LoL they were good enough to let a whole mass of tourist go around while they had a service going on so it was absolutely beautiful, I can’t speak a lot of French let alone sing it but I can hum very loud and the tune was very familiar and they were doing a lot of it in Latin which is the same as some of the stuff over here in the catholic churches that I’ve been in (I’m not catholic but I’ve been to a few & sang in them)

Anyhoo I lit a few candles for a few catholic members of our family who have passed away predominantly my granddad & his sibs (there were quite a lot of them! Including a nun which is where my tame nunnery comes from just in case you ever wondered) so I took a bundle of photos not all of them came out I really could do with getting a tripod but then it’s something to lug around! So here are the best of them inside outside was glorious sunshine so I took a load there were quite a few tourists myself included tying to take photos so it was hard to get a lot of the shots I wanted but that is the price you pay!

So then we went on to the Eiffel Tower again to take some day shots, got those I think they later went on it again in the day light but the ques were huge when we got there so we just went & walked up the hill and took some funny shots

This shot was taken manly to show that you don’t have to have a big F**k off camera to get a great shot, there was this guy lying on the floor (grass) with a very nice SLR and a very expensive telephoto lens taking photos of the tower with these flowers *A* wanted to see his photos so being the chatty person I am I just walked up to him & started talking first in very bad French then it turned out he was American so it was easy , he showed her his photos while I took a very quick shot (read stole his idea) his stuff is going to be much better than mine because he did have a great set up! If there were less people around and he wasn’t quite so big I might have mugged him for it LoL and he also had the luxury of time but I don’t think it was such a bad photo!

Then on to the George Pompidou which was closed! Apparently for a private function so we stopped for lunch & took some photos and did a little shopping & walked back to the flat we picked up dinner as the girls *S* & *A* had booked to go see the Moulin Rouge as a birthday present me & *M* were just going to chill & do a brother sister thing (no not argue! LoL) no we just went for a night time wander & I tried to do some more night time photography (still not so good) we got back around midnight and awaited the girls return, which produced a outburst of laughter as when we heard them coming up the stairs I rushed to the door and swung it open and said he my very best annoyed mother voice “and what time do you call this?” I’ve always wanted to do this as doing it to adults always gets a laugh but apparently it got a bigger laugh than normal as they were trying to hold in the laughing up the stairs as the experience hadn’t been quiet all they had hoped it would be & had found it quiet tacky and not at all tasteful (which is what I thought was the point but then what do I know) so it was another late night!

Ok better go Seeya Hugya *G*

Well here it is Paris well part of it I went by Euro Star which they went and moved (now at St Pancras) on me Waterloo was so much easier to get to just round the corner & only a short Cab ride but of course I under stand not very PC (Politically Correct – just in case you don’t know we had a war a while back that we won & it was called the battle of Waterloo so rubbing it in the French’s nose a bit, we like to do that we STILL go on about the war to the Germans LoL) Anyhoo the

Euro Star is actually quiet good if you book far enough in advance & don’t have changeable tickets (like a plane) you can get a return for £60 that’s £30 each way I will say best to get a seat in the four seater for the leg room even if on your own, it only takes 2.15 hrs door to door that’s straight in to Paris Du Nord which has an underground system just like here called the Metro

(smells more than ours dose though)  My brother was there to pick me up (sweet) you don’t have to go through passport control again here only on one side so when your leave the country you have an half hour booking in process where you go through everything you would in an airport security checks the arch way scanning of luggage extra but no baggage pick up just walk straight through when you get off! *M* took me back to the flat they were renting up at the top of these spiral stairs!

He took my luggage such a sweetie! I am no where as fit as I should be but I think I would be if I lived here! LoL

I loved our little rooms so sweet just time for a quick chat & a tea before we were off down those stairs to meet up with the girls at the Louver (my sister in law *S* & friend *A*) & went for a walk before we had dinner, which was ok but the desert made up for it chocolate cake with chocolate custard & hazel nut ice-cream just to die for & went up the Eiffel tower at night it was *S* Bday so here is the card & the other Exploding box I made.

We thought we had missed the last lift up the tower but went anyway for the photos but it turns out the Eiffel Tower carried on till mid night so we ended up going right to the top which is no mean feat as not only am I not too keen on heights but I know *M* wasn’t either & it turned out that *A* wasn’t too hot about it too! I had no idea that my brother held so much power over my fears he managed to escalate it 10 times I have been up the tower before when I was 18 but I don’t remember being as scared as I was I really had to put my big girls pants on & deal with it but I got right to the edge right at the top & it was blowing a gale at the top I was so very proud of myself & I did that last bit on my own!

Ok so that was pretty much the first day over with will post some more photos later as other wise you won’t get to see these

So for now Seeya hugya *G*

Hi just to say I’m back, I am here I’m trying to edit the 900 photos I took in Paris I know I was only there a few days I came back had to go straight to work, because my brother is living in the states we stayed up quite late (body clock thing) so I really didn’t get much sleep so I was really tired & I hit the ground running! It was fantastic to see him & my sister in law again it been at least 2 years and it was so not long enough I’m starting a send me to San Fran fund for next year I really must pull my finger out & start looking again for a new job as I’m not going to get made redundant which is a bummer I’ve been made redundant so many times I thought this was gonna be a certain and the money would have been welcome for a change, as of Friday I have been with this company 7 years so wouldn’t have been too bad but those are the breaks they kick you when you are down & won’t kick you when you want to !

Anyhoo weekend wasn’t much slower got back had to pick up 2 birthday presents that I ordered from friends rush home & go teach a class then back R fell asleep & forgot to come pick me up!!! Thankfully one of the girl’s only lives around the corner so she dropped me off R got a new job so he’s real knackered too longer hours! Sunday was my mother in laws birthday so had her over for a while watched a couple of films & had a take away plus taught her how to makes some cards as part of her as I bought her stuff for it (at her request) but before she came round had to do a little house work the place had of course not had those little pixies that they tell you about in brownies installed so no hovering or laundry was done so I had to do it and since it has been so hot here I quickly decided to swap the winter & summer wardrobes over (now that’s my own fault wanting to do too much in one go!) I’ve got a few birthday cards to do more birthdays again! And I want to make a Paris postcard book as I deliberately bought lots of postcards sometimes 3 of the same one (well 3 actually one for M&S and one for both me & A S’s friend she brought) that will have some  of my photos in and journal stamps for writing & spaces for others photos to be put! As I want the other 2 girls to write & do stuff in they’re own book so they make it their’s any how this has already gone on way too long just thought I would post something so you know I was around & was trying to get my s**t together just not doing a very good job! LoL

 

 

here’s a photo of a strange thing that went up for about a week or 2 around here & then vanished have no idea what it was about or by who I though it was kinda cool just some random art thing I guess.